Why Are Keys Needlessly Big?

Keys Should Be Smaller
Pictured above is a collection of keys. The pair of keys on the left are to the Healey. They are nice and small, small enough to merit a little leather folding key holder so they aren’t lost in your pocket. The foursome of keys on the right include keys to the daily driven Saab and Miata, also a pocketable collection. The big plastic thing in the middle is the key to our newest addition, a Fiat 500 Abarth. Notice the bit of wire sitting between the Abarth key and the rest of the daily use keys? That’s the keyring that failed to keep the daily use collection corralled together. Adding the key to one vehicle made my key collection no longer pocketable. I was able to put them into my pocket with reasonable facility this morning. I drove the Healey today, it being a nice Friday and all nice Fridays being “drive your cool car to work day”. On arrival at my office, single-handed (I was holding a coffee) key removal was impossible with out destructive measures. This is asinine.

There is no reason the Abarth key needs to be as big as it is. Am I supposed to feel better about the car because it has a pants entangling folding key? I should be able to keep a reasonable collection of frequently used keys and have them stowable in the pockey of my jeans. This does not strike me as an unreasonable desire. Were I a hipster or otherwise prone to wearing overly tight pants, I would be prepared with the requisite male purse. But being a run of the mill middle aged jeans wearing nerd, I am not prepared for this level of clothing and belonging management.

I think the only solution for me is to drive old cars.

One thought on “Why Are Keys Needlessly Big?

  1. Agreed 100% though later British cars did not all have small keys, the ignition key on my ’78 Midget was gargantuan and is to this day the biggest car key I have ever owned. Strangely enough the door key was the same size as the Healey key but in truth it wasn’t ever needed except to unlock the trunk as the Velcro that held on the top made locking the doors useless.

    Of my current newish cars the Fiesta is probably the best because it’s just a fob and while the Solstice key is not too big (same as your Miata) with the fob its big enough that you don’t want any other keys in your pocket.

    IMHO GM keys of the ’60s were just about right, small enough to not take up much space but big enough that you would not loose them. Problem is there were only 100 or so different keys and once the locks had worn there were really only about 10 variations. Still I long for something small and simple like that or maybe in this high tech world just an app for my iPhone that negates the need for a key altogether.

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